No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
