Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
