Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
