I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You pole danced in your parka.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
