I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
