Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I have aggressive nipples.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
