I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
