Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize