Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
