The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
