Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize