I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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