So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize