I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Yo dont text me then not text me
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
