he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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