This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
