his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
