dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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