my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
