i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
