I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
so that wasnt chicken after all
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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