Your tits are I can't wait for
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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