While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
