Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
