You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
