I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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