We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
