Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
