haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
