peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
