Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
