I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Success! We fucked roommates!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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