You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
