She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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