Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
