I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
