you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
