We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
