I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
