FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
