i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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