we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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