shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
