Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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