you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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