M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize