I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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