Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
