dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
