Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize