I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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