also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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