too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
