John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
In America we eat man semen.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize