Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
