What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
