Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I supernannyed him into submission
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize