It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
