i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
