yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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