i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
