i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
