I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
