Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
