Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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