? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
